I feel slightly embarrassed to tell you now, cos it felt like a very big deal yesterday, and even though I’m still quite upset it’s not really as bad as I made it out to be.
Lately I’ve been feeling pretty crap every time I have to spend a night in, because I feel that everyone else in the world other than me is having a better time, which I know is ridiculous, but I kind of feel that everyone else’s lives just started happening, and they always had something to do and people to see and people to kiss and I DON’T, I am here in my hole doing the same old nothing.
Anywayyy I was supposed to go to the Jeremy Deller thing at the Tate last night with Amie which sounded amazing because 1) I would be going out, and going out with my friend I hadn’t hung out with in a few weeks and we could have a fun night out together, 2) Jeremy Deller! I fucking love that guy, 3) Someone I kind of know and haven’t seen in ages was supposed to be there and I was really looking forward to (hopefully) bumping into them. I knew it was going to be busy so I said we should meet maybe an hour or so before it starts but Amie persuaded me to meet when it started. When we got there there were thousands and thousands of people and Amie instantly suggested we give up and go home, but I made her queue for a bit but then a man told us there wasn’t a chance we’d get in. It was annoying but not the end of the world and I thought Amie and I could get some beer and sit by the river and talk for a bit but she insisted on going home, and for no real reason either, she didn’t have to get up early today and she didn’t have to do any work that night or anything, and she kept on saying ‘I don’t do Friday nights’. Then why on earth did you agree to go out with me on a Friday night then?!? I asked her to stay out for a bit but she refused so after only just getting off the tube 20 minutes earlier I got back on it and went home.
I don’t know, it’s not the worst thing in the world, it’s just partly that I had high expectations for the evening, partly cos recently I’ve hated staying in, partly because I keep on trying to make things happen in my life to make it less boring and it never quite works out, and partly because I’ve realised Amie puts no effort into our friendship, and I’m not going to stop talking to her or anything, just stop putting in the effort too.